Come along, Patsy
There’s been a severe lack of Monty Python on tumblr.
“I will give you an example of how race affects my life. I live in a place called Alpine, New Jersey. Live in Alpine, New Jersey, right? My house costs millions of dollars. [some whistles and cheers from the audience] Don’t hate the player, hate the game. In my neighborhood, there are four black people. Hundreds of houses, four black people. Who are these black people? Well, there’s me, Mary J. Blige, Jay-Z and Eddie Murphy. Only black people in the whole neighborhood. So let’s break it down, let’s break it down: me, I’m a decent comedian. I’m a’ight. [applause] Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man who lives next door to me does for a living? He’s a fucking dentist! He ain’t the best dentist in the world…he ain’t going to the dental hall of fame…he don’t get plaques for getting rid of plaque. He’s just a yank-your-tooth-out dentist. See, the black man gotta fly to get to somethin’ the white man can walk to.” Chris Rock
Well, America in a nutshell
“The black man gotta fly to get somethin’ the white man can walk to.”
I also like this version of Smaug.
o.o *wordless high-pitched wheezing sound*
DO U EVER HAVE THIS CELEBRITY THAT EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SEE THEM YOUR HEART FEELS LIKE ITS GOING TO RIP OUT OF UR CHEST AND YOU GET BUTTERFLIES IN UR STOMACH AND U START SMILING REALLY BIG
my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow
JOHN WAS SHERLOCK’S WHOLE WORLD
SO HE ASSUMED IT WAS THE SAME FOR JOHN
PLEASE KILL ME (x)
All tv shows have that one episode that must never, ever be talked about
that last one looks like it needs to be talked about.
John: I don't care how you did it
Sherlock fandom: Hold the fuck up there john
george washington rises from the dead
"you done fucked up"
"the fuck did i tell you about political parties"
"I SAID FOUR GODDAMN THINGS, AMERICA. POLITICAL PARTIES ARE DANGEROUS. PAY OFF THE FUCKING DEBT. ISOLATIONISM! AND FREE FUCKING TRADE! SO WHAT DO YOU DO? ‘OH LET’S SPLIT THE GOVERNMENT! LET’S SPEND WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH! LET’S MAKE ALLIANCES!’ GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AMERICA! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I WILL TURN THIS COUNTRY AROUND.